Sometimes I think about what role should I take in this mass-produced, consumed world of music. While I dive into its vast-wonderous world, getting stimulated into its rhythm, I wake up with this lost feeling of how many music is out there that truly resonates with my soul.

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Once, I tried to make music that is more light-hearted. Something more approachable. Those efforts gradually made my priorities on getting better views, ratings, and numbers. Like my younger self –who poured with all one’s heart and soul – just to get better test scores, I felt like I was degenerating because of my obsession with people’s interests.​

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How many times I planned for the highest reach, almost every arrow pointed to the conclusion that there is no reason for Cacophony to make music.  However, I decided not to stop.  Still, I decided to put my voice out. I was sure it was the right thing to do.

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Until just a few years, I silenced myself voluntarily and let myself move in the directions of others. It resulted in me with serious body conditions; I stopped having period for several months, had terrible rashes in my stomach and arms and serious stomach cramps from time to time while I was preparing my school exams that I didn’t want to take. While I was in a toxic relationship, it affected me from having an eating disorder. I’ve lost 7kgs of weight, suffered from an unknowable spasm that constantly happened every night.

 

Despite all these things happening to me, I always tend to apologize first. I thought any form of suffering was something to be endured.

The things people say — Suffering and self-destruction are irresistible when you desire to become a “Successful” human and a “Real” woman — somehow made its meaning inside me.

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However, the reason I could keep myself going. The reason I could protect myself from all these things was that I always had art with me.

I had Lee Sora’s voice, Jim Carrey’s performances, and Ghibli Animations that comforted me throughout the hard times. The liberation and the impact it gave me were truly powerful, too powerful It almost felt like God’s command that as long as I become close with art, I will have salvation. 

Because of these moments, I could’ve started my journey of being a musician. I could’ve let myself walk out to the new world when the road between art and myself connected. 

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One of my dearest friends has passed away while I was preparing this album.

This is coming from my heart. I want everyone to continue living, even if people around you dishearten you.

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Remember, you have the power to change your life.

Like how others took your breath away, This time. Breath just for yourself.

The dream you kept until this time. It could be the path you should be taking now.

As much as the path seems fearful, it will shine bright in the end.

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Oh, I can picture it. You shine so brightly in your path you are taking. 

I am looking forward to seeing your path that I am ready to walk together.

I will be waiting for you. My music will always be there for you calmy, but precisely.

So please, do have courage inside you and live the moment to the fullest.

The precious, vibrant life you’ve got.